Archive for the ‘life’ Category

How does music make me feel happy?


That is the window of my little dinning room. But I don´t want to show a picture. I want that you listen the music that I am listening now… It is the most beautiful music that my ears can listen now… because it is the moment. It is the moment to wake up and be happy. I don´t need to say any more… only listen the music… the music of meditation and relaxation.

I don´t know the answer to that question. The truth is that I feel happy and the music makes me feel like that.



I was meditating

Hi. For years, I have felt that I am a special person. A person who can help others with my eyes, my hands , my words, or simply , with my presence. However, I haven´t been in that wave of healthy life and meditation… I don´t know what does mean Zen, Yin Yang, Chakra, Yoga or those words which are related to that behaviour. But I am… I am a person who has a power that I cannot explain.

That power has been here forever. Since I was a child. Since I was in the kindergarten when I was playing with an invisible friend who was everywhere, even in my foot ball. But soon I started to fight between that strange force and the life in a busy city. And my force was inside, waiting to go out and fly, but the sounds of the city always made it afraid.

When I was 25, I felt it was time to put my power outside. But soon, again, the life in the capitalist world made that the power was sleeping.

4 days ago, I was reading some blogs on the internet. And I saw a nice man who has captivated me with his smile and his beautiful face. His name is Ido. And I started to read his blog and suddenly, my power was moving inside me, wanting to go out to change my life and my world…

I started to feel something different. It means, something is changing, but it is good. I feel I have found the door to be free and happy…the door to put my special power in the place that needs to be.

People said I meditated. I don´t know; simply I found something that I thought it was lost.

Weird dream

I had a dream. It was weird. Two masculine bodies were intertwined in the gloom. They were in the top of a high building, in a big city… perhaps in the top of the Empire State Building in the NYC. It was raining… it was windy…it was cold… But they were warm, like two people who are making love. The curtains were moved by the wind; the lights were flashing in the distance…and they were making love, as two strangers who met moments before; as two strangers who explode their bodies. Like two strangers who fall in love because of their eyes. Two glasses of wine were lying on the carpet without anyone noticing them. The most strange thing was the music…Moonlight Sonata… like the only song which two men can use to make love…that song… the saddest but sexiest song to making love on the top of the Empire State Building, in a cold, windy and rainy night, without witnesses other than two glasses of wine.

Friends of fire

I have been bored for weeks. I feel something is missing in my life, perhaps the fire, perhaps the craziness. And I know that my friends are the authors of that. They are in my country, very far from here, and I miss them. For that reason, I wanted to find new exciting friends. I wanted to find those friends who do not criticise my life, my choices, my mistakes or my successes; those friends that want to live great moments with me. However, my friends must be funny, interesting, beautiful, crazy… in other words, gay.

When you are in a country where you are learning a new language, it is very difficult to make friends. It is very hard to ask for something in a supermarket or to ask for the route to go to your place when you want to take a bus. It is weird to go a bar and drink a beer trying to talk with people who have their own friends. For that reason, I have opened an account in a gay app. Yes, an app where you can chat with gay people at the beginning and if they are interesting or they are interested in you, you can make an appointment later.

A great surprise I got when I saw that many of the people in that app want sex, and the sex is asked before knowing the name. I don´t want that. I am a romantic person who want to fall in love and spend a time before sex. However, the most important thing is that I have a partner and I must not have sex with others. I am looking for those friends who make me fall in love, excited, alive and happy. I am a forbidden person but I want to fall in secret love with my friend. Do not misunderstand me… I am a good person and my feelings are not wrong. Simply I want to live it, in a good way.

Mike was one of the most interesting person that sent a message to me. It was strange, beautiful, lovely and a dream. In a day, we lived one of the most romantic moments people can live, only using our mind… we never met… we never are going to meet. However, I do not want this… I want a friend, a real friend, here in this city, where I am invisible for them.

Looking for a virtual friend

It is time to have virtual friends. Yes, as you read it. As you know, I’ve been living in another country, with another language, for a little more than a year. Since I arrived, I started to learn how to communicate in English. It is a very difficult task… but it isn´t impossible. However, when I changed my country of residence, I changed my friends. My friends aren´t those whom I used to have because they are in my country.

Ok, I know that I didn´t lose them, but I am talking about people who are now in my everyday life. I miss my friends every day of my life! But I have to tell you that now I have “friends” whom I did not choose.

It is true. My friends are my classmates now, but I do not want to be friend of them because they are not interesting for me: they are very young; they want to feel free (because they are from countries where, maybe, they have a lot of restrictions) and they speak worst than me. I don´t feel comfortable. The issue is that I have to accept this because I have to.

At the moment, I am not able to make Australian friends because they speak very fast and I cannot understand them. However, I feel confident of my writing. That is the reason I am able to write this blog. I think, the most important aim of this is to have friends…. virtual friends… those who are capable to read my posts to comment them, always in a good mood. I want to find those friends, like the real friends in our life whom never criticise or laugh of my feelings. I bet I´ll find at least one.